Living a Slower Pace of Life

If you’ve ever watched House Hunters on HGTV or any number of YouTube videos on moving to other countries one of the common themes you’ll hear is that people are moving “for a slower pace of life”. I’ve also run across dozens of articles in various magazines and websites that speak to this, as well. And it’s something I’ve never really quite understood. The question that always comes to my mind is, “why can’t they find that here?”

Whenever I hear those words, they’re usually followed by a list of all of the activities they are involved in. Often, that discussion revolves around children’s activities such as various sports, dance classes, etc. It’s not uncommon for them to mention that their children are all involved in multiple activities which means that the kids – and therefore, the adults – are constantly on the run shuttling from one activity to another. For the adults this means getting each kid to different activities at different locations, all within a fairly tight timeframe. So, it seems to me that the “busy, always-on-the-go life” they are complaining about is of their own making.

But, before we can talk about this issue we really need to define what we’re talking about when we say we’re looking for a slower pace of life. What does that mean? What does it look like? Doing this, it seems to me, can help you identify ways in which to slow down. And I suspect that the definition of a slower pace of life differs for each person.

What is a Slower Pace of Life?#

For me, it is a slower pace of life means taking the time to simply enjoy the day and being present at any given point in time. I am notorious, as I think most of us are, for being in one place but thinking about what’s next or what we should/could be doing instead. That type of thinking promotes both a sense of being rushed and a sense that we are not being productive. But that, then, requires that we define what it means to be productive which I choose not to do at this point.

Living a slower pace of life also means identifying and making time for what is truly important to us. Do we value getting things done over enjoying the people we are with at this moment in time? Do we value scrolling on our phones over talking with those that we are with? Is money more important to us than the friendships we build and the experiences we have? In an earlier post I noted that sometimes just going outside and sitting, watching the world go by can be a valuable way to spend time. And it is.

So Why do Americans Find Slowing Down so Hard?#

That, my friends, is the $64,000 question!

Actually, it’s not that hard to understand. In the early days of our country the Puritans promulgated an ethos that basically said that we should always be busy – idle hands are the Devil’s workshop. We must have a solid work ethic, which equates to always doing something. Over the years this idea that we must always be productive has led to long hours toiling away at jobs we hate but that we feel we must endure in order to meet society’s expectations of us. We are judged not so much by the kind of person we are, the way that we treat others, or the values we hold, but by our ability to be productive. Are we contributing to society, by which is meant are we generating revenue for a company of some kind?

David Allen, author of Getting Things Done, along with a host of other authors, motivational speakers, and organizational consultants have built multi-million dollar businesses by perpetuating the idea that we must be always productive. We must get things done! I mention Allen specifically because the GTD concepts he developed and promoted are pervasive in American Culture. There are tons of YouTube videos, a multitude of related books, and even a not insignificant number of phone and computer applications designed around the GTD concepts, all aimed at helping you be more productive throughout your day. None of these, so far as I can tell, ever mention the physical, emotional, and social toll these concepts take on you. None of them encourage you to “stop and smell the roses”.

Another factor, and perhaps it’s related, is that in the US we don’t have specific times dedicated to NOT working. We can shop from very early in the morning until very late at night every day. Many stores are even open 24 hours. This isn’t true in many (most?) other countries? In France, for example, shops and businesses close from noon to 2 PM each day for lunch – there is no eating at your desk. Many shops close at 5 PM meaning that you cannot go shopping at any time that is convenient for you. Sundays almost all businesses are closed. This ensures that everyone has time away from work.

More importantly, those times when everything is closed also ensure that you have plenty of opportunities to relax and recover from the work week, to make plans with friends and know that they will be available, to participate in social events and activities knowing that you won’t have those plans disrupted by work demands. I recently learned that several European countries (e.g. Spain, France, Belgium, Portugal, and Italy) have “right to disconnect” laws that essentially forbid an employer for contacting an employee outside of work hours or expecting a response to a phone call or email. Contrast that with the US where employees may well be disciplined for failing to respond to “urgent” emails sent outside of work hours, on weekends or holidays.

What about those extracurricular activities your child is engaged in? I don’t know when the notion that our kids MUST be involved in a litany of extracurricular activities began. Beyond little league, school sports, or maybe piano lessons, I don’t really remember that being an issue when I was growing up. But today it seems that kids never have down time. They’re constantly involved in some outside activity, be it sports, band, dance, etc. And many kids, it seems, are involved in multiple activities giving them daily schedules that are far more demanding than my work schedule ever was! And the question that I have to ask is: Does it make a difference? Are those kids more well-rounded, more socially adept, or more well prepared for the work world (which is, after all, what we’re preparing them for, right?) than the kid who is engaged in none of those activities?

I don’t know. But my suspicion is that they are not. They are just learning to be more competitive and that is contrary to the notion of “slowing down”.

So, is it different in other countries? Well, according to one American couple who make videos about their transition to life in France, those activities do not occur outside of school hours but are part of the school day. It seems that kids do not have school on Wednesdays or, if they do, they only go a half day. Extracurricular activities are scheduled for those times so that their evenings are free. Wouldn’t that be wonderful? Now, in full disclosure, the average school day is a bit longer and some schools do have classes for half a day on Saturday. But it seems to me that this still is better than the constant shuttling about that we do here in the US. It seems those kids have time to be kids.

In management there is something known as a “forcing function”. A forcing function is essentially one or more constraints that compel you to take a certain action or that makes it more or less impossible to move forward without taking those actions. In many of the countries in which we perceive life to be ‘slower’ we’re really seeing the effects of forcing functions. Stores are only open during certain hours and certain days enforcing the notion that evenings and Sundays are for relaxing. Work rules ensure that employers can’t demand that you respond to work related concerns outside of work hours. And, you’re usually limited, by law, in the number of hours you can be required to work. Those limitations, because they are pervasive within a given culture, provide the impression that life is slower. Whether or not it really is is difficult to assess. I don’t think people in other countries work any less hard or are any less productive than we in the US. Rather, I think that the shared down time in the evenings and weekends, provides that impression.

So, Can We Slow Down in the US, or is Moving to Another Country Necessary?#

To this question I can answer with a resounding “It depends”.

It depends on whether you’re willing to forego a bit of pay, perhaps take a step back from “having it all” in order to truly enjoy life. It depends on your choice of jobs and your willingness to look for a job that better fits the lifestyle you want.

It depends on your willingness to set aside specific days to “do nothing”. That is, to set aside days devoted to visiting with friends, to reading a book, to going to a concern, to find events that can take you out of your daily routines and enhance your life.

It depends on whether you’re willing and able to make choices that foster that slower life, such as living in a place where you can walk to the grocer and other places you routinely go. One of the things that has stood out to me in reading and watching videos about these other countries is how often the residents there either walk, ride a bike, or take public transportation to get where they need to go. Walking to your destination forces you to slow down, pay attention to your surroundings, and enjoy the trip. And it has the added benefit of providing much needed exercise. And it’s a heck of a lot cheaper than owning and operating a car and paying gym memberships!

How to Start#

I’m not going to give an extensive “how to” here because I think it will be different for everyone. But here are a few tips that might help you get started:

• Set aside a day each week for “doing nothing”. That is, make no plans. Put nothing on your calendar. Follow a bit of serendipity. Yes, you can visit friends, go an event or festival. But you can also just sit on your back porch and read a book. Or, go to a park and fly a kite. Do something that you do simply for the enjoyment of doing it.

• Look for ways to avoid driving. If your destination is only a mile away, walk. You’ll find it’s not that hard, you’ll get a bit of exercise, and probably feel better overall having taken the time to enjoy the experience.

• Turn off the TV and put away the computer¹. These two devices suck up untold amounts of time and often add to your stress and sense of rushing about. Take a break from the 24 hour news cycle for the same reasons. Read a book, learn to play an instrument. Learn a language. Do something that makes you a better person and adds to your quality of life.

• Take a careful look at all the things you’re committed to and decide which ones are really important to you. Drop all the others. I suggest just having at most three major commitments each month. I know, it’s hard to say “no” when someone asks for your time. But it is YOUR time, it is your right to manage it as you choose. The Dutch are well known for their directness. Take a page from their book and say, “I don’t believe I have time for that at the moment, so I’ll have to say ’no’ to that invitation.”

Then, take a deep breath, relax, and enjoy your slower pace of life! (And if that all fails, pack your shit and move to another country!)